I sought him whom my soul loves

I looked for him, but I didn't find him…

We are always longing for something unattainable, whether for a perfect lover, eternal love, the wise and merciful God, understanding the highest laws, wisdom, something lasting at all or whatever. Something that we can feel so close sometimes and still slipping away.

I was greatly inspired by the Song of Songs, the most beautiful and poetic part of Tanakh, the only one where we can hear a woman’s voice.

By night on my bed,
I sought him whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but I didn't find him.
I will get up now, and go about the city;
in the streets and in the squares
I will seek him whom my soul loves.
I sought him, but I didn't find him.
The watchmen who go about the city found me;
"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"
I had scarcely passed from them,
when I found him whom my soul loves.
I held him, and would not let him go,
until I had brought him into my mother's house,
into the chamber of her who conceived me.
(Song of Songs, 3:1 – 3:4)

I opened to my beloved;
but my beloved left; and had gone away.
My heart went out when he spoke.
I looked for him, but I didn't find him.
I called him, but he didn't answer.
The watchmen who go about the city found me.
They beat me.
They bruised me.
The keepers of the walls took my cloak away from me.
I adjure you, daughters of Jerusalem,
If you find my beloved,
that you tell him that I am faint with love.
(Song of Songs, 5:6 – 5:8)


The heroes of the Song of Songs, whether they are King Solomon and his lover, just a man and a woman or higher male and female emanations, are constantly looking for each other, finding, meeting, praising, loosing each other and searching again. The plot is not clear and the action is mysterious. Several times she is looking for him and twice he is asking “Who is this who comes up from the wilderness like pillars of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all spices of the merchant?” (3:6) “Who is this who comes up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?” (8:5) As if these questions are more important than descriptions of the moments when they do meet.

In my interpretation I concentrated on this moment of search. They are the one, aware of each other and still looking for each other. Looking in opposite directions. With all their concepts and ideas about each other but still not able to see each other. Or am I wrong? Is it possible for them to meet and stay together? I still don’t have the answer.

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
(U2, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, The Joshua Tree, 1987)